Final Chemo!

It's a good day: the last infusion is behind me. I've finished the course of treatment that loomed so large when they first told me about it back in March. At that time 18 weeks felt like forever. Now I've made it through! 

Now I'll just wait to regain my strength....and if all goes well, I'll be getting on a plane to Aruba three weeks from tomorrow. My doctor authorized Covid tests for me before/after the trip and they'll even check my white blood cell count a few days before I go to see if I need a boost. They are doing whatever they can in support of this trip, knowing how important it is to me. It truly is the light at the end of the tunnel...and will be the best way to take my mind off things during the six week waiting period to find out the final results of the chemo's effectiveness. I already have a Petscan scheduled a few days after I return home.

I've tried to describe this experience the best I can, but words don't really do it justice. I feel like a wobbly rock climber reaching for solid ground but finding that most handholds and footholds that I thought would be steady are themselves wobbly during this crazy time. Making it hard to trust anything. Like, that this could actually be coming to an end. Or that I could truly be swimming in the Caribbean Sea with Han in a few weeks. 

On the other hand, it has made the things I can count on to solidly be there feel extra precious: which is namely the love and support of my mom, Han, Zack, Aidan, Eli, and Isabel...and so many of you reading this. 

Thank you so much for being a part of my support team and contributing ground during such a groundless time...with your caring energy, thoughts, prayers, messages, cards, calls, groceries, meals, gifts, flowers, offers of help...and your steady reminders that I'm not alone in this. I will never forget it! ❤️

Chemo #5 and Getting Busy Living

Yesterday was my 5th chemo infusion. 5 down, one to go!

Each time I go in, I meet with my oncologist, Dr. Wilfong, for an exam and to go over the bloodwork. If the numbers aren't good enough they would cancel the infusion. My numbers were "good enough" but even though I think my body is handling this really well, it's interesting to see the downward graph of some of my white and red blood cell counts. This explains the heavy sense of fatigue I'm feeling more and more as time goes by. I've termed this feeling "loggy" as the best way to describe it. It's a kind of tired that sleep doesn't help. I've learned that this is a totally normal reaction to the chemo.

We also looked ahead at what's coming next for the first time. After my final infusion on July 30th(!), they want to wait six weeks to do another PETscan. If all goes as hoped, it may very well be followed by 3 weeks of daily radiation for added insurance that all the cancer cells are gone. If it doesn't go as hoped, we will have more to talk about. He is very optimistic but it still feels scary to even have to think of that kind of idea. And that is the hardest part of having cancer. There is no guarantee that if you follow all the rules or do things "just right" that all will be well. What a challenging thing to learn to live with--and so many people have to do just that. But, until I know more, I am going to go with the idea that my body is continuing to heal in remarkable ways.

I am so happy that he is still very supportive of me taking a three week trip out of the country. He is a doctor who focuses on the whole person and I really appreciate that. Everything is a calculated risk and his support means a lot. He said the timing is perfect as I leave three weeks after my last treatment (when I should have my strength back) and come home right in time for the follow up testing. 

On that note, Han and I have had to find a back up plan due to Iceland joining the EU in not allowing American visitors in due to our high rate of Covid. This caused such disappointment but we've now totally switched course and will be meeting in: Aruba! Where there is a will, there is a way! He'll feel right at home since it is a Dutch island where he will be able to speak with ease! It is one of the only countries welcoming Americans right now and they have a layered entry process which includes submitting a negative covid test and registering where you'll be staying. We will be staying here for the entire three weeks...so you can imagine our excitement! Who knew, that along with all the @#!%, this unexpected detour would bring this kind of beauty and happy anticipation?!

In other news...I'm home alone for the next couple weeks. After three months(!) of being here right when we needed him most, the time felt right and Zack departed last weekend. He camped along the coast for five nights and has safely arrived in Long Beach, CA. to spend time with his dad and Isabel. He still doesn't have word on his new start date but now he'll be a little closer when that time comes. It was super hard to say goodbye but at the same time, we are so grateful for the unexpected time we had with him! He left on Sunday and Mom took off on Thursday for her big road trip with (my brother) Eric and (his 15 year old daughter), Chelsea. Three generations driving a camper down the coast...right behind Zack! I'm so happy for them all and it's fun to hear their progress reports as they go.

 

They're taking the same route, with very different accommodations-

both look like so much fun!

So, it's a big change around here. After months of necessary nesting, there is a shift toward LIFE, MOVEMENT, and CONNECTION. Growth in the midst of all that we're going through feels so life affirming and of extra importance right now. Even now...maybe especially now...with the heavy fog of the pandemic adding layers of fear to all we do. If we've been reminded of anything it is that there is no time to waste. As a friend of mine who went through her own cancer scare said often: it comes down to a choice to "get busy LIVING". And that is what we are all doing. The shift feels-and is-pronounced and real. 

A special message left by a slug(!) on our deck the other night!

I think it's a pretty clear sign.

Until next time, take good care, All.

❤️