West Coast Pilgrimage Tour

Well, we arrived in Holland two weeks ago. So much to share but life has a momentum of its own sometimes. The highlight since we returned is that I am officially registered with the city of Alkmaar as a resident. The amount of hoops we’ve had to go through with the government have been pretty intense. Thankfully, this feels like one of the last ones. I have my first doctor’s appointment coming up and it’s beginning to feel more real: Han and I are finally sharing a home! 

But before I go too far in that direction, I want to share about the epic road trip we took down the Pacific Coast. Before I made my official move, I really wanted to spend time with the kids (and 3/4 of them are now living in California!).  It was so special to all be together in Kauai and witnessing their lives in their new homes was overdue. It felt like an important trip, not only to spend time together but to return to the place I was born and have so much family history. And to share this all with Han made it even more meaningful.

We were blown away by all the beauty we experienced and at the same time, had to grapple with my layered feelings of loss. I don’t think there’s any way it could be otherwise. It’s not often that you are knowingly closing one chapter of  your life to begin a new one. I can capture the beauty in photos but it’s hard to capture the complexity of feelings and it feels important to be real about that, too. 

But the beauty and the connection we experienced along the way made such a difference!

We spent our first night in Newport, Oregon, with our dear family friend, Jeanne, and her sister, Barb. Jeannie was married to Mom’s college friend, Kae. 

It was wonderful to spend time together and to share so many happy memories.

Our second night was spent amongst the California Redwoods. Such a sacred space!

And then we arrived in San Francisco.

 

Zack has living here almost a year, working at San Francisco International Airport as an air traffic controller. Aidan just moved in with him a few weeks before we arrived. He’s taking some time to switch direction after working for Tesla for the last three years. They’ve always been so close, it’s great to know they are together! They are living in the heart of the city and we stayed in a nearby Airbnb. There are pros and cons to living in the city and we saw both while we were there. It’s a great time in their lives to give it a try and San Francisco is remarkable for the amount of parks it has and how bicycle friendly it is.

We spent a great few days together before heading south on Highway 1 to Santa Barbara.

Here again, we were able to stay with beloved friends. The McCue’s have been in my life since my earliest memories. Sue was another friend from Mom’s college days, another “auntie” in my life.

I’ve traveled here to stay many times with Mom and we were missing her greatly.

 At the same time, it was so comforting to be here. 

Such a special spot in the world for me.

Our next stop was further down the coast to Long Beach, 

the city where I was born and where Isabel is living with Mitch. 

 It sure felt good to see her so happy and settled.

She’s enrolled in Long Beach City College (at 17!), has just started a job as a covid tester for the school district and recently celebrated her first year anniversary with her boyfriend, Griffin, who we really like.

 

We loved hanging around Long Beach and even took a day out for Disneyland to really blow Han’s mind!

We ended up leaving my car with Isabel and flying back up to San Francisco to spend Aidan’s 25th birthday weekend together. As I said in the beginning, it was truly an epic trip!

Always feeling Mom’s presence along the way.

It felt extra special to fly out of San Francisco:

Zack has the coolest office; fun to see it from the plane.

Next stop: setting up life in Holland.

You truly never know where life will take you, do you?

There is so much I am feeling that I can’t put into words, so I will just end with:

...to be continued.

To see more photos of our trip, click here.

❤️

Kauai

 We've just returned from two weeks of beauty in Kauai.

It couldn't have been a more beautiful and restorative trip.

We were so happy to have all the kids join us for the first week

(including Isabel's boyfriend of one year, Griffin, who fit right in!)

And then Han and I stayed an extra week on our own.

There were so many firsts for him.

 It was really fun to see it through his eyes.

While we were there, I had a phone session with my oncologist and was relieved to hear that my blood work still looks good. I've made it to the one year post-chemo milestone, which is great news.

We thought about Mom constantly.

I had visited many of the same spots with her when I celebrated my 50th almost 5 years ago.

Kauai was one of her favorite places in the world and I know she was here with us this time, as well.

I made a little ritual each morning of uploading my favorite photos from the day before here:

Kauai 2021 

It's so much more fun to do it as I go, and not come home to a big job of going through photos.

What a gift to have this time to continue to be nourished through nature. To continue to celebrate Mom- and life in general. There is a lot of sadness and loss these days but there is also so much beauty. These last two weeks have been a big reminder of that. Being there, you see it with your eyes and you feel it in your body. 

Sending a big dose of Aloha spirit to each of you!

Almost Two Months

Seems like the right time for a little check in....to thank you for your caring and support and to let you know that we're doing as well as we can be in dealing with life on its new terms.

I've spent this last month here at Mom's house beginning (or rather, continuing) the process of letting go. She has a puzzle table up in her room and this reminds me of that. It's like she's completed the puzzle of her beautiful life...and now it's up to me to gently and lovingly begin to take it apart. No easy feat. Its been a connector with her, though, and a way I've channeled my grief: to really edit things down to the most meaningful. And Mom's house was nothing if not meaningful! 

The cards and messages we've received have meant so much...as have the many generous contributions to the "Legacy Bench" which will be placed in her honor at the botanical gardens. 

She would be so touched!

Her yard is currently like a botanical garden. She planted the giant "golden chain" tree when it was just tiny. It is really glorious.

The other day, something really moving happened. For the past 32 years (!), Serem, has worked on Mom's yard for her. He's taken care of the big stuff so she could tend to the smaller stuff. They've been a great team and she always appreciated how he'd go above and beyond. He knew her parents and her kids and her grandkids (and many of her family and friends). Anyway, the other evening, I looked out the window and there he was. He had brought two big bouquets of roses and put one in the front yard and one in the back and proceeded to do a very personal Buddhist ritual. He lit a candle and stayed until it burned all the way down. I went out and joined him and we shed some tears and hugged--and it was just so special to me.

And later today, Han arrives for the month of June. So thankful for that. We will work together and begin winding life up here as I prepare for my next chapter, which will be living in Holland. I so wish that I could begin that chapter with Mom here as a home base. But, it is a comfort to feel like with every step I'm taking, Mom would approve. Knowing I'm doing just what she'd want me to do is my guiding light.

❤️❤️❤️