Memorial Day

"...you realize that grief is perhaps the last and final translation of love. I think this is the last act of loving someone. And you realize it will never end.You get to translate this act of love for the rest of your life."~Ocean Vuong

Honoring Mom today and every day.

Mom's 79th Verjaardag

I'm way behind on my blog. It has been a full summer and I really want to share it here. And I will.

But, because today is such a sacred holiday to me....I need to take the time to shout to the world: 

Today is Mom's 79th birthday!

I don't need it to be her birthday to celebrate her. I celebrate her every day...with every beat of my heart. But, it is a day to stop and commemorate the fact that this remarkable woman was born (79 years ago!). And while my grief is great (there is so much to miss!) it is a good day to contemplate how lucky I am to have her for my mother.

I know she'd be so happy to know that all of her kids and grandkids gathered here in Holland just a few weeks ago. Each of us missing her so much, but carrying on-because we have no other choice-and because we so want to honor her as we move forward in life....creating new normals of connection and family love. Values she modeled to us and gifted us as long as we can remember.

 Happy 79th Birthday, Mom. 

We are celebrating you today with all our hearts.

Kauai

 We've just returned from two weeks of beauty in Kauai.

It couldn't have been a more beautiful and restorative trip.

We were so happy to have all the kids join us for the first week

(including Isabel's boyfriend of one year, Griffin, who fit right in!)

And then Han and I stayed an extra week on our own.

There were so many firsts for him.

 It was really fun to see it through his eyes.

While we were there, I had a phone session with my oncologist and was relieved to hear that my blood work still looks good. I've made it to the one year post-chemo milestone, which is great news.

We thought about Mom constantly.

I had visited many of the same spots with her when I celebrated my 50th almost 5 years ago.

Kauai was one of her favorite places in the world and I know she was here with us this time, as well.

I made a little ritual each morning of uploading my favorite photos from the day before here:

Kauai 2021 

It's so much more fun to do it as I go, and not come home to a big job of going through photos.

What a gift to have this time to continue to be nourished through nature. To continue to celebrate Mom- and life in general. There is a lot of sadness and loss these days but there is also so much beauty. These last two weeks have been a big reminder of that. Being there, you see it with your eyes and you feel it in your body. 

Sending a big dose of Aloha spirit to each of you!

Celebrating Mom

 Just over a week ago, on Mom’s 78th birthday weekend, we celebrated her life. 

Family and friends, from near and far, came together and it was all that we’d hoped it would be. 

We met at the Edmond’s Waterfront Center. A beautiful setting to gather in our shared desire to honor Mom and the full and meaningful life she lived.

Mom’s good friend, Ruby, generously made and gifted these bookmarks.

Erin did the beautiful flowers with such thoughtfulness and care.

Eric and Shawn took on the majority of the planning for this event and did a great job!

I made a special slideshow for Mom.

To view it, click here: In Celebration

It was so wonderful to have so many people she loved-and who loved her- all gathered together in one room. Those who got up to speak moved us all. Each person shared something so special. It was such a heartfelt tribute and one we will never forget. Later, even the staff at the event, 

who had never met mom told us they were moved to tears. 

Han had the great idea of hanging a rope (77 feet long to symbolize each year of Mom’s life) and having everyone tie a piece of fabric (lots of which was my grandmother’s) to the rope to make a garland. As we tied the fabric on he suggested we do it with a wish, an intention, or a prayer. We will hang this garland in her garden at the Mill and it will symbolize how she connected all of us.

We will also tie some more on, to symbolize all who love her but couldn’t be here in person.

What a wonderful symbol of of one of her superpowers: connection!

Our cousin, Dana, brought this special piece of fabric she made (!) to tie on the rope. So beautiful!

We so appreciate everyone who joined us on this special day and could feel all the love coming our way from those who would’ve liked to be there but couldn’t. 

(I wasn’t able to take many photos but appreciate those who did and am including some I’ve been sent here so those who couldn’t make it can get a feeling for the day. There are many people who were there who aren’t captured here. I’d love to add photos to this album if anyone has any they took and want to share.).

I will close with a quote that Mom’s childhood friend of over 70 years,

 Charlotte, shared when she spoke. 

It is a big comfort.

One of my favorite photos of Mom on a whale watching trip in Maui.

❤️

~ I've created an album here on Flickr ~

 I will keep adding to over time, 

as I come across great photos of Mom.

 

4 Months

It has been four months since we last hugged Mom. 

I know we're all doing as well as can be...and at the same time, for me, there is a rapid river of grief raging right below the surface.

~~~~

Since my last update (just a few weeks ago)...so much has happened.

Mom's house went on the market.

I left for Holland on the 16th. 

Zack joined us for his two week vacation a day later.

Downtown Alkmaar

On the 21st, we went to Amsterdam to make my Dutch residency official. (It felt remarkable that the day I picked up my residency card happened to land on my Dad's birthday. He immigrated from Europe when he was in his late teens. Such a full circle moment.)

Celebration lunch with our friend, Annette, from Germany joining us.

We filled the two weeks with Zack here full as could be, 

sharing the beauty of this area--that he first introduced me to. 

He is a natural Nederlander!

So hard to choose which photos to share but here is a sampling:

~~~~

He left just a couple days ago. A few hours later, we accepted an offer on Mom's house from  a couple who wrote a beautiful letter about how much they love it. Just what we were hoping for. I'll spend another week here before heading back to Seattle to take care of loose ends. Han will join me soon after. We look forward to celebrating Mom's life with family and friends and will continue our celebration as a family with a trip to Kauai--a place that Mom loved and where we had a beautiful time together (just!) four years ago.

Upon our return, Han and I are planning on taking a road trip down the California coast to visit Zack and Aidan in San Francisco....and Isabel down in Long Beach (where I was born!). Another full circle feeling. If all goes smoothly, we will fly from California to Amsterdam at the end of September and I will feel officially "moved".

Whew!

~~~~

It is a real comfort to me to think of life as a series of chapters. Each one so important. So when you turn a page, it's not really an ending but just a continuation of the story. And you can look back at the richness of each chapter, knowing that they are fundamental to this present moment...and all that lies ahead. 

That's it for now. Hope to see many of you soon.

❤️