Following Up

Thanks to all of you who have reached out with your love and support. I know you share in our grief and the rollercoaster of emotions that are coming up. 

I ended up flying to Holland on Sunday, the place I can feel most comforted during this tender time. My brother Eric's son, Riley, is taking good care of Nana's house and the animals while I am away for the month, giving me the chance to begin to process the profound before tackling the practical.

Eric did a wonderful job writing Mom's obituary, which is such an incredible task. There is no way to sum up her beautiful, rich life in a few paragraphs, but he captured so much.

https://www.flintofts.com/obituaries/Gail-Ann-Beck?obId=20653226#/celebrationWall

In my heart, she is there, as always.

It still doesn't feel real....no matter how much time we've had to prepare.

 

We are thinking at this point that it would be meaningful to celebrate her life on her birthday: August 21st. We're not sure of anything else but we hope you can save that date. We know there will be so many stories to tell and hugs to share. It is a great gift to have a mom who is so beloved. We feel that spilling over onto us and we appreciate it more than you can know.

❤️

Heartache and Gratitude

It is with relief that she is no longer suffering and with heartbreak at how much we will miss her, that I have to share our world altering news: Mom died peacefully, at home, last night.

We would give anything for her to have years left to share with us but since that wasn't in the cards we were dealt, we are so grateful that she was able to die in the way she had hoped: quickly and peacefully in her own bed surrounded with love. With an incredible hospice team supporting us, Eric and I were able to be beside her holding her hands till the end. She was able to say a special goodbye to each of her beloved grandchildren and it was a great comfort to her, to feel like she had left no stone unturned in her affection for each of her many dear friends and family members.

This last 18 months since her diagnosis has been both beautiful and brutal. She made it look a lot easier than it was. The nurse shared that most people dealing with as much pain and medication as Mom would be nowhere near as active as she's been, especially these last months. She didn't want me to say how brave and strong she was on previous blogposts....but now I get to: she was incredibly, unbelievably brave and strong!!! She lived life to the very fullest for as long as she possibly could.

While we feel such relief that she is at peace, to wake up in a world without her feels utterly disorientating. I know we are not alone in feeling this way and we also know that we will not be alone as we learn to live with these waves of grief.

We talked with her about it and she loved the idea of a "celebration of life" in the summertime. I can only imagine how meaningful it will be to celebrate and connect over our common bond of love for her. 

I will share more soon...there's so much more I want to say about how lucky I am to have had her for a mother but today I can't even begin to articulate it. 

Gail Ann Murchison Beck

8/21/43-4/1/21

~~~~~

All that I am or ever hope to be,

I owe to my angel mother.

~Abraham Lincoln