I had to look at the calendar to double check that its only been six weeks since I arrived back in Holland. I can't quite believe that. This time has felt almost surreal: an abrupt switch to quietness after a period of such intenseness.
Feeling the pull to find a sense of equilibrium after such a period of disequilibrium.
While it's, of course, what I want, it's also a (not too unexpected) challenge: the feelings of grief, loss, and groundlessness are rising up strongly now that things have slowed down.
No way around, only through.
I am grateful that I truly trust this.
She referred me to an oncologist in Alkmaar and we met with him this week. I liked him very much. It's hard to express the strangeness of having to check in with a doctor to find out how my body is doing. But, I was happily reassured by blood test results and with his confidence in my body's recovery. I will see him regularly for the next four years. Now I can breath a bit deeper...at least until the next blood tests and appointment in March.
On a lighter note, I'm also taking steps to get established here on my own. I've found a Dutch language teacher, I'm signing up for driving classes to get my Dutch driver's license, and found a local grief counselor. Each step feels like a big one. Finding a local hairdresser I'm happy with (and having the hair to work with) feels like a cause for celebration!
I'm finding my footing, little by little.
That's how it goes, eh?
That's it for now.
Sending love from here.
❤️
