4 Months

It has been four months since we last hugged Mom. 

I know we're all doing as well as can be...and at the same time, for me, there is a rapid river of grief raging right below the surface.

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Since my last update (just a few weeks ago)...so much has happened.

Mom's house went on the market.

I left for Holland on the 16th. 

Zack joined us for his two week vacation a day later.

Downtown Alkmaar

On the 21st, we went to Amsterdam to make my Dutch residency official. (It felt remarkable that the day I picked up my residency card happened to land on my Dad's birthday. He immigrated from Europe when he was in his late teens. Such a full circle moment.)

Celebration lunch with our friend, Annette, from Germany joining us.

We filled the two weeks with Zack here full as could be, 

sharing the beauty of this area--that he first introduced me to. 

He is a natural Nederlander!

So hard to choose which photos to share but here is a sampling:

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He left just a couple days ago. A few hours later, we accepted an offer on Mom's house from  a couple who wrote a beautiful letter about how much they love it. Just what we were hoping for. I'll spend another week here before heading back to Seattle to take care of loose ends. Han will join me soon after. We look forward to celebrating Mom's life with family and friends and will continue our celebration as a family with a trip to Kauai--a place that Mom loved and where we had a beautiful time together (just!) four years ago.

Upon our return, Han and I are planning on taking a road trip down the California coast to visit Zack and Aidan in San Francisco....and Isabel down in Long Beach (where I was born!). Another full circle feeling. If all goes smoothly, we will fly from California to Amsterdam at the end of September and I will feel officially "moved".

Whew!

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It is a real comfort to me to think of life as a series of chapters. Each one so important. So when you turn a page, it's not really an ending but just a continuation of the story. And you can look back at the richness of each chapter, knowing that they are fundamental to this present moment...and all that lies ahead. 

That's it for now. Hope to see many of you soon.

❤️

Almost Two Months

Seems like the right time for a little check in....to thank you for your caring and support and to let you know that we're doing as well as we can be in dealing with life on its new terms.

I've spent this last month here at Mom's house beginning (or rather, continuing) the process of letting go. She has a puzzle table up in her room and this reminds me of that. It's like she's completed the puzzle of her beautiful life...and now it's up to me to gently and lovingly begin to take it apart. No easy feat. Its been a connector with her, though, and a way I've channeled my grief: to really edit things down to the most meaningful. And Mom's house was nothing if not meaningful! 

The cards and messages we've received have meant so much...as have the many generous contributions to the "Legacy Bench" which will be placed in her honor at the botanical gardens. 

She would be so touched!

Her yard is currently like a botanical garden. She planted the giant "golden chain" tree when it was just tiny. It is really glorious.

The other day, something really moving happened. For the past 32 years (!), Serem, has worked on Mom's yard for her. He's taken care of the big stuff so she could tend to the smaller stuff. They've been a great team and she always appreciated how he'd go above and beyond. He knew her parents and her kids and her grandkids (and many of her family and friends). Anyway, the other evening, I looked out the window and there he was. He had brought two big bouquets of roses and put one in the front yard and one in the back and proceeded to do a very personal Buddhist ritual. He lit a candle and stayed until it burned all the way down. I went out and joined him and we shed some tears and hugged--and it was just so special to me.

And later today, Han arrives for the month of June. So thankful for that. We will work together and begin winding life up here as I prepare for my next chapter, which will be living in Holland. I so wish that I could begin that chapter with Mom here as a home base. But, it is a comfort to feel like with every step I'm taking, Mom would approve. Knowing I'm doing just what she'd want me to do is my guiding light.

❤️❤️❤️

A Great Start to the New Year

We started the year off right with a visit from Isabel.

 I can't believe she is going to be 17 this weekend!

Aidan and Eli have continued to join us for Sunday dinners as they have all year. 

We really treasure this time together.

Han arrived soon after. 

Both visits added so much sunshine to life around here.

It was so nice for him to be able to spend a few weeks here....really getting a feeling for life in this area and for this side of his (new) family, friends, and pets!

We took a couple mini-trips while he was here. The first was to Vashon Island, only an hour from home, including the ferry ride. We stayed in a tiny lil' cabin that was so "gezellig"!

 

The cabin was in the woods but just a short drive to the beach. We really lucked out with the weather.

Our second trip was up to Bellingham (about 90 minutes north of us). We stayed in a very tiny house (only 121 square feet) but it was like being in a nest up in the trees with the birds.

And it had a hot tub! Since we were so close to Eli, he was able to come over and enjoy it with us.

We had a beautiful time and on the way home, 

we saw dozens of eagles!

Between trips, Han even fit in some American style golf. He loved it!

The three weeks went by so fast, 

as we knew they would.

Now he is safely home. 

He came home to neighbors ice skating next to his Mill!

The day after he left,  I drove Mom to the first of her five radiation treatments. I also had a follow up X-ray on my arm, with reassuring results. I'm hoping to travel his way for the month of April but at this point, we're just taking things as they come. In these crazy times, it continues to be impossible to see too far ahead. As I've shared with many, sometimes, it feels like driving on a foggy night and all we can see is what the headlights show directly in front of us. This whole last year has felt that way. 

The fog is especially thick right now.

But, I know bit by bit, the road will continue to light up as we go. And I'm thankful for this special time we shared, starting 2021 off in such a beautiful way.❤️