An Arm and Reunion(!) Update

I am so happy to be able to share more good news today. 

I met with my orthopedic specialist this morning for my eight week check on my arm and he said it is healing really well. The X-rays showed a huge difference in the calcification of the breaks. So much so, that he said I no longer need to wear the compression brace that I've been wearing 24 hours/day for the last two months. They had predicted it would take 12 weeks to get to this point, so it feels like a wonderful gift to be ahead of schedule.

Thank you, Erin, for the gift of our own pot of African Daisies. They spark so much joy!

I'm also (even more) excited to share that Han and I have booked our reunion, with my oncologist's blessing. Since both of our countries are closed to each other, we're having to be creative. A few weeks after my last infusion, we will fly to meet each other in Iceland! They are being super careful with visitors, testing everyone for Covid upon arrival. We have our campervan rented and just knowing this is coming up makes all the difference! 

UPDATE: As of July 1st, Iceland has joined the rest of the EU in holding off on welcoming Americans due to our high rates of Covid. This new guideline will be re-evaluated every two weeks. Han and I are hopeful that in the next seven weeks, things will change and the trip will still work out but are having to accept that it may not. Not knowing is not easy. Back to “trusting the process”. Feeling like we’re being forced into a Masterclass on this subject right now.

Thank goodness for video chatting:
 helping us us feel close during these unexpected months apart!

The light at the end of the tunnel has definitely been growing brighter and brighter. Feeling so, so grateful today!❤️❤️❤️

Chemo #4, Good News, and Mother Nature in all her Glory

The "Tree of Life" adapting and thriving under adverse circumstances.

Chemo #4 is complete. Four down two to go! Although I'm already feeling the effects, which is a surprise as it has usually taken a couple days, I couldn't be happier. I had wonderful news from my oncologist.

The MRI result, from the scan yesterday, showed that my body is responding "remarkably" to the chemotherapy. The mass in my arm has shrunk a significant degree for only three treatments. He was very positive.

Of course, this is what I was dreaming of hearing!

The MRI itself was really rough. I was in that tube for such a long time. They kept doing test after test. For anyone who has ever had one you know that is is very loud and claustrophobic in there. I was in there for almost an hour. While I'm usually able to keep a pretty positive mindset about this whole situation, the waves of fear hit pretty hard last night. I wondered if they had to take so long because they were seeing something unusual. I had to really work with the "what if's". There was a feeling of needing to brace myself. 

Now, the good news feels so freeing: like I can breath deeper than I've been able to in a long time.

This is the end to a beautiful week. When I heard Lake Quinault Lodge was opening up once again for visitors, I jumped at the chance to have a little getaway and purposely planned it for this week. I knew an infusion of nature and beauty would be so powerful at this midway point...and it was. My brother, Eric, came over and had special time with Mom, while Zack, Eli, and I made the three hour drive west to one of our country’s most beautiful national parks.

The weather report predicted 100% chance of rain. I thought about cancelling our plans. I'm so glad I didn't. We seemed to be following the sun...with only a few drizzles thrown in while we were on this "Maple Grove Rain Forest" hike. But, the trees protected us from the rain anyway. When it did rain hard, we were tucked in our room and it was a beautiful thing to watch.

These ferns are so giant: you can barely see Zack walking in the trail that winds through them!

I contemplated this thought a lot on the walk. How easy it is to worry about the "weather" in advance. What a useless exercise it usually is. How when you're actually out there, it's not half as bad as expected and when it is bad, you find ways to deal with it. And mostly, how much we would've missed out on if I'd cancelled the trip as a precaution.

This looks like a reflection in the pond...but mostly it's looking into the pond itself: it is so clear, you can see all these plants growing there. It is amazing.

This trail also led to an old farmstead.

Then back again through the forest, where Zack and Eli were deep in conversation against this otherworldly backdrop.

Zack's angle-with me in it! Doesn't it look like dinosaurs would be right at home? I bet they were!

We spent two nights at Lake Quinault Lodge, built in 1927. Such a restful place to recharge and a great base for exploring this area.

We stayed in the old "boat house" on the left in the photo above.

The Pacific Ocean is a 40 minute (beautiful) drive from here. I had a mission to return all the seashells I've collected over the years back to the sea. I couldn't bear to think of them sitting in a storage unit.

Zack climbed this volcanic rock (barefoot) to the far side, took our giant bag of shells and gave them back to the sea.

From inside the "Tree of Life" shown in the first photo.

We also discovered some really special giant trees while we were here.

We happened upon this super big and old Cedar.

And the "World's Largest Spruce"!

I have a favorite prayer/poem I think of all the time. And now with the good news from the doctor, I am feeling it with every fiber of my being:

Till next time, All.

 Thanks so much for your continued love and support!

❤️

Another Week Down

Just a little update to share that my 3rd chemo treatment was uneventful. The nurses are really nice. Although I would love to retrain them on asking, "How are you?!" in their chipper voices as they access my port and hook me up for CHEMO(!). I know it's just such a rote question...but it seems particularly tone deaf in that setting. So, little areas like that (clearly) still feel raw.🙈

Lake Wilderness, Maple Valley

I am finding myself adjusting to the rhythm of it all. Knowing what to expect and that it will pass is huge. This week, I've given in with lots of rest when I'm not feeling great...and Zack and I have gotten out for some nice walks when I've had the energy. It comes in waves...and I'm riding them the best I can.

It's a strange feeling going out with this new "look". I feel exposed and vulnerable. It has made me realize how much I've taken for granted just "blending in" as some sort of armor in the world. I know the more I do it, the easier it will get. Another: no way around, only through kind of thing. It will forever give me more empathy for others who feel this way for one reason or another.

Gene Coulon Memorial Beach Park, Renton

The midway MRI scan has been scheduled for June 18th (the day before my next infusion). I wish it was sooner as I'm anxious for confirmation that my body is healing right on track. It really forces me to stay in the present moment, more than I ever have before. 

Still no word on when Zack will have to leave. We're in no hurry to get that news!

I also want to share the blog I've been keeping up for Mom, for those wanting to check in on her updates: Gail's Progress Reports. We have our own little support group going on here. I think we're both stronger during this time because we want to be there for the other. Funny how that works. 

So thankful for the steady stream of beautiful flowers that have been brightening up our days!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Till next week....love to you all!

Stepping Outside Our Bubble and an Arm Update

These last years, I have been BUSY...either traveling or looking forward to traveling. With this abrupt slow down, I realize how important it has been for my peace of mind to have fun trips planned. It's a tool that has always gotten me through the gray days. Since the big trip I'm dying to take is on hold, I've decided that I still need to make mini-trips a priority. Even in this age of Covid. Even when I'm undergoing treatment. Mental health is important, too! I'm also realizing how important it is to take advantage of these days when I'm feeling GOOD and my appetite returns to give myself permission to eat whatever strikes my fancy. There has to be perks to this chemo deal.

To that end, yesterday, Zack & I drove 45 minutes north and took the ferry to Whidbey Island  to have lunch at our favorite pizza place in the world: Village Pizzeria . It checked all of the boxes that needed checking: a safe trip, beauty at every turn, incredible weather, special time together, and delicious pizza!

It's so fascinating to see how much has changed during this crazy time....no traffic, most people in masks, orders to stay in the car on the ferry. It feels in some ways that we've stepped into a dystopian world. How can the world have changed so much, so quickly? I know it's a feeling we're all sharing.

At the same time, it was heartening to see the positive adaptations that have been made. We were able to get our pizza at the walk up window and take it down to a picnic table on the beach. Our only lunch companions were some baby bunnies snacking nearby. We wore our masks around town. Even the statues had masks. 

The mountains were still out, the eagles were still flying by, and the flowers were still blooming. And the pesto pizza was as good as we knew it would be. How reassuring.

It was such a restorative day.

 I recommend this day trip to all locals!

(And if you go, I want to hear all about it!)

As beautiful as it was, I am counting on this, in a myriad of ways.

~~~~~

Today I had a follow up appointment and X-rays with the orthopedic doctor who said my arm is healing faster than expected! It has been four weeks since that fateful day and he said the healing looks like they would expect it to at six weeks. I was so hoping he'd say this since I've felt like it was doing much better. I will wear the compression brace for another four weeks and will start physical therapy for it soon. It makes me feel in awe of how our bodies can heal after trauma...how my body has healed in these last four weeks with all it is going through.

Tomorrow is my 3rd infusion. I will meet with the oncologist and we will schedule the mid-way MRI to see how the chemotherapy is working. I am excited and terrified for this test result all at the same time. Most of all, I am hopeful. If there is such a thing as willing good news into reality, I am on top of it.

What is this flower?! I want to plant it EVERYWHERE!

So thankful to each of you...

for your love, support, and encouragement. 

❤️

The Reality of Chemo and a Poem

I'm so happy that I wrote all of those first posts when I had the energy....because right afterwards I was swept up in the aftermath of the 2nd chemo swimming around in my body. The week has been a blur of feeling really crummy. Not myself at all. Too much time in bed. Not sure where my discomfort with the chemo ends and the pain of my arm begins. Ugh. 

But, today (day 10 post chemo), I woke up feeling so much more myself. Like the sun coming out after the rain. I guess a gift in this process is truly appreciating "simple" things, like feeling WELL, with such awareness.

Now I have 11 days to enjoy feeling better till the next round. I keep thinking of an image of a boxer. You get knocked down...make it to your feet and hold steady till the next knock down. What a process.

Thanks to all of you who have reached out after reading here. I can feel your loving energy and it truly means so much to me (and all of us!).

~~~

I was recently gifted this beautiful book of "blessings" by John O'Donohue. So many of them are treasures and this one on courage feels applicable to all of our lives during this upside down time, so I wanted to share it here.

When the light around you lessens

And your thoughts darken until

Your body feels fear turn

Cold as a stone inside,

When you find yourself bereft

Of any belief in yourself

And all you unknowingly 

Leaned on has fallen,

When one voice commands

Your whole heart,

And it is raven dark,

Search and you will find

A diamond-thought of light,

Know that you are not alone

And that this darkness has purpose;

Gradually it will school your eyes

To find the one gift your life requires

Hidden within this night-corner.

Invoke the learning

Of every suffering

You have suffered.

Close your eyes.

Gather all the kindling

About your heart

To create one spark.

That is all you need

To nourish the flame

That will cleanse the dark

Of its weight of festered fear.

A new confidence will come alive
To urge you toward higher ground
Where your imagination 
Will learn to engage difficulty
As its most rewarding threshold!

❤️

Happy Mother's Day

Where do I begin on this Mother's Day?

During this crazy time for Mom and I...one thing is sure: this experience has brought us even closer than before (and I didn't think that was possible!) How ironic that when I moved in with her in February it was with the intention of helping to take care of HER and now the tables have completely turned. The universe seemed to have a plan for us...and it was that neither of us would be alone as we went through our cancer journeys. 

For that I know we are both so grateful.

Thanks Mom, for getting up and bringing me coffee and juice in bed each morning, for being so patient with Rosie and Leo, for letting us take over so much of your home. For helping me at every turn: both emotionally and physically.

Thanks most of all for modeling such strength and grace during difficult times...and for passing down your pragmatic way of coping when life throws us curve balls...for finding the humor and savoring the little things, for being YOU. I am so, so lucky to have you for a Mom!

My mother's gifts of courage to me were both large and small. 

The latter are woven so subtly into the fabric of my psyche 

that I can hardly distinguish where she stops and I begin.” 

― Maya Angelou

And to Aidan, Isabel, Eli, & Zack, 

know that I believe this with all my heart:

Happy Mother's Day 

to all the beautiful Mothers in my life!

❤️